miércoles, 11 de febrero de 2009

"Dime Como Duermes... Y Te Dire Como Eres"


…Están Las Siestas –normales o Santiagueñas-, Las 8 horas religiosas, los 20 Minutos Reparadores o las Pasadas de Largo…. Se puede hacer por Necesidad, por Gusto y Preferencia, por Prescripción médica, por Vagancia o por una mera Cuestión casi Biológica… Se Requiere un Sillón, silla o Catre, una Cucheta, una Bolsa de Dormir, un Asiento de Transporte publico o una simple y cualunque Cama.. Ya sea en un su versión 1 o 2 plazas… Queen o King Size… Somier o… la otra, la común! Podes Hacerlo con tu Chico, Filo, Novio, Marido, Conyuge, Amante, Ex Marido…Nunca con tu Viudo… sino habría Delito y Morbo! En fin… No importa Que dormís… Por que lo haces… en donde…y Con quien…. Sino que el meollo – y no voy a hablar de meones, sépase- esta en otra interrogante….El “Cómo”!!!…Esto no es pura habladuría… Ah no no… Esta es mi mas reciente y espeluznante Teoría Titulada: “Dime Como Duermes y te diré quien Eres”… A cada posición en el “lecho” un estereotipo de Mujer… a cada chancho su San Martín… Mmm, algo me suena mal y creo que es mi último refrán poco trillado que No hace al caso… Aunque, cerrando los ojos y pensando en voz alta, creo que en la cama podemos ser un símil cerdo… Por lo despatarradas, lo ruidosas y, en ocasiones, los pesadas! Síganme entonces en la incursión en el mundo de las “zzzzzz…zzzzz” y el inconciente…. Conózcanse de la mano de la Nueva Doctora “N” la que te Aviva y No te Duerme…
Caso I: La Culo con Culo: Dicese de la especie femenina que se ubica en el habitáculo dormitoril mostrándole la espalda a su compañero quien, poco estimulado por la imagen que le ofrece su mujer acompañante, opta por adoptar la misma posición. Obtenida la figura Culo con Culo, comienza el análisis. Se trata de una muchacha hosca, poco amorosa con su pareja, casi indiferente a la realización de demostraciones de afecto; denota en su actitud una carencia total de Frontalidad…Es desconfiada, por eso hace de un compañero de cama antes que un amante un guardaespaldas. En su vida Social es un tanto apática, observadora y crítica implacable. Un referente que se vincula a la imagen social de la hembra estudiada: Cruella De Vill
Caso II: La Cucharera: Destáquese que esta tipología de mujer durmiente puede conocerse también bajo el nombre de “la Sombra” o “el Abrojo”. Gráficamente, la dama toma por la Espalda a su camarada de litera y, cual masilla manipulable, se adhiere a su cuerpo imitando la posición del espécimen macho. Dos cuerpos convertidos un Uno. Desde las investigaciones de la Teoría dormilonística Neliana, esta femme emana aires fuertes y hediondos de dependencia. Padece el mal del pegote, de la pesada o la secante. Es inocente pero controladora, es tan absorbente como sacrificada por su hombre. Carece de vida social por fuera del Círculo de Parejas. Es Interiormente detestada por su “partener” tanto en Invierno -debido al enrosque de pies fríos en busca de calor masculino- como en Verano -gracias a las altas temperaturas ambientales y a la excedida calentura que ella le aporta sin necesidad-. Es querible y querendona, conversadora y amorosa. Su símil en el mundo fantástico es Susanita, la legendaria amiga de la Mafalda de Quino.
Caso III: La Protegida. La Figura a detallar puede mutar a causa de pequeños movimientos de los ejemplares que la componente, pero en dicha transformación no pierde el sentido. Hembra y Macho ocupan sus respectivas mitades en el cuadrilátero de sabanas y frazadas. El ejemplar masculino, en posición boca arriba, rodea a su mujer extendiendo su brazo por debajo de la nuca hasta tomarla por el hombro. Ella puede mantenerse boca arriba o girar de 45 a 90 grados sin llegar a darle nunca la espalda. Lo Observado: claramente existe en este ejemplar femenino una necesidad de protección. Es Sensible y delicada. Un ser equilibrado en sus expresiones sentimentales, da y recibe en su justa medida. Es respetuosa y comprensiva de las necesidades del otro. Necesita su espacio y exige el acato de tal petición. Es un ser social aunque disfruta de sus momentos de soledad. Es la imagen Humanizada de un buen Jabón Neutro Federal.
Caso IV. La Desprolija: Silueta denominada también como “La acaparadora”. El esquema posicional grafica a esta hembra ocupando las tres cuartas partes del camastro, sitiando a su acompañante. Las conclusiones respecto a dicho ejemplar registran una alta dosis de independencia. Ella es avasallante. Puede tratarse de una hija consentida que a corta edad a heredado el lecho doble plaza de sus progenitores y, victima de su egocentrismo y seudo egoísmo, en su presente adultez se desplaza entre las sabanas sin percatarse de la presencia de su amante. Esta tipología se corresponde también con el con el conjunto de féminas sexualmente libres, afines a compañeros de turno, a los burdamente conocidos “touch and go”. Son profesionales, económicamente emancipadas, tan decididas como extrovertidas.
Y así la Teoría Dormilonistica Neliana presenta en sociedad sus 4 modelos prototipitos de “Bestias Durmientes”… Alguna similitud con la realidad… No es mera coincidencia! … Ahora, ven… Dime como duermes y te diré quien eres…

94 comentarios:

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JaJaJa!!! tengo por ahi un poco de cada...pero me has visto dormir y sabes que la desprolija es mi manera de dormir...acostarme todas las noches con la cama perfectamente armada, bien estirada...y despertarme sin saber que fue del acolchado, sabana, almohada, etc.
Y si de no dormir sola se trata...a la desprolija estan a una patada mas de echarla de la cama

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excelente punto de vista, definitivamente me inscribo en el grupo de autoayuda para las que dejan sitiado al pobre compañero de aventuras!!... aunque quiero defenter a la "tipo 1": a lo mejor estaba pretendiendo que le hagan cucharita... cosa que evidentemente no consiguió y encima quedo como un frigida insoportable. Besos!

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